Fear of discovery

[brimtoast]

I feel like we should talk about this, in the light of yesterday's Last.fm scare and aftermath

I've thought a lot about fear of discovery, since one of my very earliest experiences in the world of podfic was seeing my favorite reader take down all her work because she was feeling too much anxiety at the thought of it being found.

My opinion, which seems not to be shared by many people, is that voices are not distinct enough for this to be a genuinely scary prospect (although if some people have extremely uncommon accents or voices, this would apply less to them). I feel like someone could discover my podfic, listen to it, bring it to me saying "IS THIS YOU?" (Actually, I have a lot of trouble imagining that step. I'm guessing they'd be too uncertain and embarrassed-if-they-were-wrong to actually ask) and I could say, "Nope, definitely not me. They do sound a lot like me, though! Weird." And nobody would argue or push the matter further.

And so I think that even though podfic feels more personally identifying because it's my voice, the fear of discovery is more a paranoia than a reasonable fear. I've heard people say podfic readers sounded "just like" their best friend, high school librarian, another reader they heard on a different site (this one was directed to me, and I never read for that site, so I know the person I sound "just like" was not actually myself). For most of us, there are people out there in the world with voices similar enough to ours to give us plenty of plausible deniability.

What do other people think?

Comments

[choosetolive]

So, I'm totally new to this realm and have only begun to think about these issues as a podficcer. But I've been having fascinating discussions with paraka on these topics, and so want to share my two cents.

In general, I completely agree with what you're saying here. Odds of someone actually connecting podfic to one's RL self, absent any other identifying information, are pretty damn slim and there's definitely plausible deniability. There may be exceptions, but overall, yeah.

Also, I agree with what paraka says about one's "reading voice" often being different from one's speaking voice. This is definitely true with me - part of the reason I want to podfic is I want to train myself to speak more clearly; more slowly with better enunciation. At least right now, I'm definitely reading differently than I speak in conversation. And while this may not be as true of others, I bet it's true more often than not.

Now that I'm done with the head-nodding part, I think one's fear of discovery is always going to be highly subjective, based on whatever situations they're in IRL. Personally, I'm not really in a position where discovery would be that harmful. Yeah, it'd be really awkward if my mom heard it, but beyond that... it won't hurt me professionally, or personally beyond it being a bit awkward. Therefore, my fear level is pretty low. But I'm not a kindergarten teacher in Minnesota. (ack, tonight at dinner family friends were urging me to get into politics. If I did THAT, I'd want to disappear this stuff. Good thing I'm not planning on it. :p)

However, I think there needs to be some consideration as to the responsibility of the reader. I think this is an excellent point and very true:

Fandom is sadly very good at pretending (and making people believe) that it's possible to be out there, out here, and never have any data about your very existence and activity make it out into the world at large.

As someone who is voluntarily putting my own voice on the internet reading porn, I'm the one who's ultimately responsible for the risk. There's a certain level of courtesy I should be able to expect from fellow fans, but that's not something I can bank on. And as someone familiar enough with the internet to be participating in fandom, I'm most likely aware that it's extremely easy for one's work to be duplicated, referenced, linked to, and otherwise taken out of my control. That's pretty basic internet knowledge. In fact, it's arguably what I want done with my work - I put it on a public forum so other people can enjoy it, and the more accessible it is, presumably the more people are enjoying. I don't like the idea of forfeiting control over it, as would happen if it were archived/duplicated without my permission, but it's a risk I have to be prepared to take.

So at the end of the day, if my life/career/relationships can be affected in a way I'm not willing to deal with because of my fandom activity, I shouldn't participate in the fandom activity. Now, that sucks; I don't like the idea of having to curb my own enjoyment because of the possible consequences. But actions have consequences, and if I'm going to take that action, I need to at the very least be willing to gamble that I won't face the most negative consequences, or will be able to deal with them when they come.

Sometimes, there are unforeseen consequences. Sometimes, I'm unaware of the potential consequences when I take the initial action. That's valid. Then, I have to act on the new knowledge in the way I think is best - which might include taking down podfic. But I should still take action once the new knowledge comes into play, instead of hoping that the consequences won't occur and then doing a last-minute scramble or getting caught with my pants down.

Sometimes the last-minute scramble is all I've got. And then I have to suck it up and realize that perhaps I shouldn't have made the original choice, I learn and deal and go on.

By virtue of the nature of the internet, we're all entrusting our work into the hands of the public. And even if nobody in fandom ever archives/duplicates without our permission - there's still things like the Wayback Machine. The idea that we can put our work online and retain total control about how it's distributed is an illusion, and something all creators of fanworks (or any material published online) have to be willing to face.